Thursday, July 01, 2010

An interesting... lesson for foreigners

My boyfriend is from the USA, and I take every opportunity to teach him and his kinfolk about South Africa, leaving verbose comments beneath is status. I had an ally teacher today in Kimstories, and this is how the conversation went.

BF's status was:

Don't know why people were scared to come to Johannesburg for the World Cup #wc2010. Wal Mart is SO much scarier!!!!

And so the comments beneath, for the benefit of globalisation and learning were as follows:

Simon: There's no elephants in the USA - how can it be scary? There are loads in Jozi. That's why I use Fourways Mall. You can park your elephant for free for 2 hours.

Kimstories: only if it has a dual saddle Simon

Simon: Hahahaha Kim are you joking? Who the hell still uses a single saddle? Durban's not THAT far behind Joburg, surely? By the way I owe you a mail. The post wagon is leaving on Saturday. It should be in Durban by Tuesday.

Kimstories: In Durban our elephants are smaller so we do the single saddle thing. I know - its so embaressing! I iwll look out for the post wagon - i think it will be behind the milk delivery cows

Simon: I tried sending a letter with the milk delivery last week but they get a bit gumpy (it's not really their responsibility, I suppose) so I went with the July post wagon. I am so excited. You know that big-ass building in Joburg where them silver things come out the sky to? They carry post too, but it's expensive.

Kimstories: the milk delivery doesn't come from jhb to durban - they tried that once and now the zuzlus think maas is on purpose

Simon: The post wagon was delayed last month because the zebra that pulls it got sick. It was so hectic. We couldn't send out our financial papyrus. The Durban hunter-gatherers owe us three fish and two cows in interest.

Kimstories: you guys charge some scary interest rates. i have been asked to negotiate a sugar cane settlement (and thats not a place people live)

Simon: Last time we went down to the sugar cane fields the elephants wouldn't go into it because of the cane rats. Why do we use animals who are scared of rodents as transport?

Kimstories: don't blame the rats for the elephant neuroses
the elephants are such girls

And this is why the Yanks think we have ellies running down the streets of Joburg. Don't be surprised when the next tourist asks you where the parking lot for them is.


jacki janse van rensburg said...

you guys are SO lucky! here in Benoni the prides of lions keep eating the elephants!

at least the milk-delivery issues are sorted out, now that we got the cows.

Simon said...

Jacki it's utterly ridiculous. What the hell is government doing? We've had these problems with the lions for how long? And Amos Masondo has done stuff all. The transport problems in the south of Johannesburg are caused directly from the migrating prides of lions crossing the witwatersrand in winter - it happens every year - and yet our elephants remain under threat. Thank got for insurance, eh?

jacki janse van rensburg said...

i think the government is too busy sorting out the postal issues in johannesburg. those carrier pigeons are so much more efficient than your postal wagons. and to think, if it wasn't for the world cup, we would all still be using smoke signals!

oh, and i have been meaning to ask you - how is that new-fangled coal stove working out for you? i have been wanting one for ages, but my husband says we have no space in the house, now that we got that indoor plumbing.

Mid-Thirty Misfit said...

I absolutely love the way you and Kimstories communicate - both the sharpest wit ever!