In the spirit of Gwen Ramokgopa being elevated to the second most important health position in South Africa after confirming (by trial and error) that she is the world's worst mayor, I have decided to create my own cabinet.
It's my cabinet. So in the game I am the president.
Vice president: Mike
I want a two-income family.
Minister of Sport: Herschelle Gibbs
I would like to pick someone with an honourable past. Someone whose reputation was never questioned, who never took illegal substances, who could always be relied on by his country...
Minister of Security: Lolly Jackson
Such a controversial figure who managed to remain out of harm's way all these years.
Sorry, what? Oh.
Minister of Communications: Floyd Shivambu
Outside spelling, reason and the ability to argue a point, this man was born to write press releases. Number 2 in the Communications Ministry will be whoever is in charge of marketing at Cell C.
Minister of Health: Gwen Ramokgopa
I have decided to promote her. So many people died during the Mbeki years and I feel like I wouldn't be able to match his efforts unless I also put a real nincompoop in charge.
Minister of Ruling until Jesus Comes: Ray Macauley
Seriaas - the amount of money he makes for his church? Imagine what he could make for government. I mean the people.
Minister of Women, Children and the Handicapped: Josef Fritzl
He knows how to keep them happy and reproductive - even with each other. And it wouldn't matter if they are handicapped because they live in a basement.
Minister of Agriculture: Leon Schuster
I know Afrikaners love Leon Schuster. And they love farming. So this appointment is for them.
Minister of Inter-cultural Relations: Sarah Palin
I wanted someone with a real open mind. You know, the type who really just get other people and don't fall back on knee-jerk prejudices. And she's smokin'. This is such a big portfolio though that I decided to hire the entire management of the BMF to work with her. And SASCO. Hahaha ok I'm done now.
Minister of gays Moving Images: Barry Ronge
We do require someone to push the agenda of gays movies, organise great gay movie parties, invite other gays celebrities and get them to strip to music teach us about this popular subculture art while we drink champers eat popcorn.
Minister of Foreign Affairs: Khanyi Mbau
It's a play on words people.
Anyone else you think we should add?