Thursday, November 04, 2010

An interesting... cabinet

In the spirit of Gwen Ramokgopa being elevated to the second most important health position in South Africa after confirming (by trial and error) that she is the world's worst mayor, I have decided to create my own cabinet.

President: Me
It's my cabinet. So in the game I am the president.

Vice president: Mike
I want a two-income family.

Minister of Sport: Herschelle Gibbs
I would like to pick someone with an honourable past. Someone whose reputation was never questioned, who never took illegal substances, who could always be relied on by his country...

Minister of Security: Lolly Jackson
Such a controversial figure who managed to remain out of harm's way all these years.

Sorry, what? Oh.

Minister of Communications: Floyd Shivambu
Outside spelling, reason and the ability to argue a point, this man was born to write press releases. Number 2 in the Communications Ministry will be whoever is in charge of marketing at Cell C.

Minister of Health: Gwen Ramokgopa
I have decided to promote her. So many people died during the Mbeki years and I feel like I wouldn't be able to match his efforts unless I also put a real nincompoop in charge.

Minister of Ruling until Jesus Comes: Ray Macauley
Seriaas - the amount of money he makes for his church? Imagine what he could make for government. I mean the people.

Minister of Women, Children and the Handicapped: Josef Fritzl
He knows how to keep them happy and reproductive - even with each other. And it wouldn't matter if they are handicapped because they live in a basement.

Minister of Agriculture: Leon Schuster
I know Afrikaners love Leon Schuster. And they love farming. So this appointment is for them.

Minister of Inter-cultural Relations: Sarah Palin
I wanted someone with a real open mind. You know, the type who really just get other people and don't fall back on knee-jerk prejudices. And she's smokin'. This is such a big portfolio though that I decided to hire the entire management of the BMF to work with her. And SASCO. Hahaha ok I'm done now.

Minister of gays Moving Images: Barry Ronge
We do require someone to push the agenda of gays movies, organise great gay movie parties, invite other gays celebrities and get them to strip to music teach us about this popular subculture art while we drink champers eat popcorn.

Minister of Foreign Affairs: Khanyi Mbau
It's a play on words people.

Anyone else you think we should add?


wozzel said...

me, as minister of small people.

Anonymous said...

Simon, I can't think of a worthy position for him, but I do feel that with the calibre of people in your cabinet, Malema would surely fit right in somewhere?

Anonymous said...

oh - ps. it's obby, not up to creating a whole ID;)

Anonymous said...

obby again - what about justin bieber? Again - can't think of a position for him....maybe he and malema could do something together?

Katya de Wild said...

Regarding your Minister of Sport take one for the team!

Love your cabinet, Simon.

Katya de Wild

Glen said...

Simon, all I can say is "Bwahahahahahah!"

Simon said...

Indeed. We could certainly use your skills in that department. Grab a bottle of wine and come to the first sitting of the cabinet.

Simon said...

@Obby, re: Malema. I thought about it, but sometimes it's just too easy.

Simon said...

@Katya de Wild.

Thanks for visiting man :)

Simon said...


Hey hey how's it going? Glad you enjoyed man :) How's London?

Anonymous said...

Freedom of speech doesn't mean disrespect.You hide behind ''jokes''to express your racist thoughts you pig

Simon said...


And calling me a pig is using your freedom of speech constructively?