While Queen Helen sat in her castle in Cape Town and stared over the Land Of The Western Cape, she knew that she had problems. She summoned her concubines and said to them “go unto the rest of the lands and bring me the cleverest people you can find so that we can maketh the roadworks finished and build more parking because there is bugger all in Cape Town”. And so the concubines triumphantly left the Land Of The Western Cape and caught a bus to the wealthy kingdom of Johannesburg in the Land Of Gold. To celebrate, Queen Helen danced and sang in Xhosa which was weird because the concubines only spoke English and Afrikaans.
As they stepped out of the bus, they expected to see pavements made of gold, but they realised that the ground was indeed made of tar and bricks, similar to Cape Town, but, somehow next to the tar and bricks were funny lines painted in the road. Concubine Athol said “Gentlemen, what the devil is this?”. Concubine Joe replied “I do not know. Why do people paint lines on the side of the road?”
Then, because their arrival had been unannounced, Police Commissioner Cele got there, shot five concubines and then said “who are you chaps and why are you looking at those parking bays?”
“Ah” said Concubine Athol, “that’s what these things are” and he walked toward one of them. Before he had even taken a second step he was shot and then Police Commissioner Cele shouted “no sudden moves”. Concubine Joe said “We come in peace from the Land Of The Western Cape to find people help us complete the roadworks and make parking, because there are only like five parking bays in the whole of Cape Town and no one can actually afford to park in them”.
“Come with me” said Cele, “let us go to find these roadworks experts” and they drove on the N1 whose speed limit had dropped from 120 to 60 while it was in one lane because of road works. And then they arrived at the traffic department and met Jeff Radebe who said they should go back to CPT with one of his experts.
When they returned, Helen shrieked “NO! This is a woman. Women know nothing about parking. Go back and get me a man!”
So the concubines returned unannounced to the Land Of Gold but they never found someone to make parking because Police Commissioner Cele shot them all.
And that is why there is no parking in Cape Town.