Spain may close its embassy in Syria and
fly its ambassador home, according to foreign minister Jose Manuel
Garcia-Margallo on Tuesday. Whether the Spanish government can afford the
flights from Damascus to Madrid should be established by the finance ministry
within the coming days, once it obtains permission from German Chancellor
Angela Merkel.
Two journalists at the British newspaper
The Sun have apparently attempted suicide as the pressure of a wholly legal
investigation into dodgy dealings at the paper increases. Luckily the
investigation isn’t taking place dictated by The Sun’s ethical standards, or
we’d already know what was in their garbage, how they looked with out a shirt
on while on the beach, would see their name in capital letters on the page next
to a naked woman with huge tits, would be declared guilty while an
investigation was going on, would have “friends” declaring that they always
were a bit dodgy, and would have an encampment of photographers outside their
houses. Sometimes the shoe doesn’t fit
on the other foot.
Scientists have a new explanation for how
the Titanic may have sunk back nearly 100 years ago. Although we all know that
the unsinkable vessel hit an iceberg and then sank, braniacs believe the moon
was responsible for an increase in iceberg obstacles on that particular sea
highway. Coincidentally, our sources inform us that the man in the moon will
also be responsible for coughing up the R300-billion for Transnet
infrastructure upgrades announced by President Jacob Zuma in February.
Three of the four American Republican
presidential candidates competed to be the most forceful aggressor on Iran, and
its suspected nuclear weapons facilities. To be clear, there is as much proof
of an Iranian nuclear weapons programme as there was evidence of weapons of
mass destruction in Iraq. That’s zero. Zilch. Nil. Our sources within the
Republican Party claim that Mitt Romney wants to attack Iran because its trees
are a similar height to Israel’s and he wants to protect Prime Minister Beebee
Netanyahu’s timber industry. Rick Santorum advises a pre-emptive strike before
Iranians possibly become illegal immigrants, and Newt Gingrich would attack
Iran until it began limping, then Syria until its economy got sick, and then
something young and hot like South Sudan or East Timor.
The USA will take action against India at
the World Trade Organization over a ban of poultry and egg imports which India
claims are necessary to prevent avian flu. US trade representative Ron Kirk
said, “The United States is the world's leader in agricultural safety and we
are confident that the WTO will confirm that India's ban is unjustified.” Our
sources tell us that the Indian government is already in touch with Oprah
Winfrey.
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